The past month has been particularly violent in terms of terrorism attacks. Amongst others, there were attacks in AlQa’a, a small Lebanese village close to the Syrian border which saw nine suicide bombers explode themselves on the same day. Then there was the Ataturk airport explosions in Istanbul and the attacks on cafes in Bangladesh. There were the triple attacks in Saudi Arabia, including in Medina, Islam’s second holiest city and the location of the Prophet Muhammad’s resting place. And of course, there was the huge attack in Baghdad which claimed the lives of more than 250 people, more than half of whom were burned beyond recognition, and hundreds others injured.

Unlike the Je Suis Charlie slogans after the Charlie Hebdo attacks, unlike the French and Belgian flags following the attacks in Paris and Brussels, and unlike the rainbow flags after the Orlando shooting, all of which were splattered all over the social media and filtered people’s Facebook profile pictures, there wasn’t really that many Lebanese, Turkish, Bangladeshi, Saudi, or Iraqi flags to be seen. There were some, for sure, but a very far cry from the huge outpouring that happened after the other attacks in Western cities.

Inevitably, the comparisons and criticisms started. Some people in the Middle East, who were quick to show their solidarity when the Western attacks happened, felt a little left in the cold when their fellow citizens made fun of how quick they were to show solidarity to a West that doesn’t seem to care when similar incidents happened closer to home. Tweets and Facebook posts again questioned whether human life was valued equally everywhere.

Some people, including myself, started questioning whether they should be putting up the Iraqi flag in a show of solidarity, and if it really meant anything more than a superficial act that was more about easing one’s own conscience. Some of those who didn’t post anything questioned themselves as to why they didn’t. Others asserted they had double standards. Of course, some were not questioning anything at all, but that is a whole different breed of people…

Having lived in multiple countries around the world, and being equally at home in both Western and Middle Eastern cultures, I could easily imagine the two sides of the argument that could be going on in someone’s head in either place.

Someone in the West might be having this internal discussion: “Who are these crazies, these fanatics? I don’t understand them. They bring this misery to themselves. Why can’t they live a normal civilised peaceful life? This is too complicated and too remote for me to care much, let alone do anything about it.”

There isn’t a whole lot of distinction between “the crazies, the fanatics” and the millions of other people in the Middle East, who in terms of sheer numbers have actually suffered much more death and violence at the hands of the extremists than the rest of world many times over.

Similarly, someone in the Middle East might be thinking: “They only care if it is one of their own. They think their lives are much more precious than ours. They have no idea or don’t care that their own greed and meddling in our affairs in search of power and resources is the source of all our misery.”

And i this case, there isn’t a whole lot of distinction between governments and men in power, and the millions of other everyday well-meaning, normal people in the West.

People in the West think, “How can those millions of so-called Middle Eastern moderates accept to have those fanatics in their midst, if in fact they don’t agree with them? Why are they not taking ownership of their religion and reclaiming it for what it supposedly is, instead of constantly whining, “This is not true Islam”?”

People in the East think, “How can those millions of so-called good people in the West agree to what their governments are doing in our region, in their names, publicly or covertly, for the sake of continuing to secure natural resources and supremacy, if in fact they don’t agree with their governments’ policies? Why, when they claim to live in much-celebrated democracies, are they not using the power of the people to stop this extensive abuse and greed?”

And in the midst of all this ambiguity and questioning, this stereotyping and misunderstanding, comes a simple question: should I put up the French flag when there is an attack in Paris? Should I put up the Iraqi flag when there is an attack in Baghdad? When should I care enough? All those world issues can come down, at the individual level, to this simple question!

In thinking this through a little bit, I have formulated my own guidelines to myself on what to do, and they are by no means the absolute right ones. They are just mine. We must admit the fact that most people cannot react similarly to all these incidents. The closer geographically the attacks are they, or the more similar the affected victims are to us, the more we feel concerned. The less of a likely warzone the place where the incident happened is, the more affected we are. The more the media thinks it is newsworthy, the more affected we are…Obviously that is not right, as all human life is equally precious, but that is the reality. So I decided that out of respect for all human life, and so I do not trivialize the tragic senseless mass murder by simply posting a flag and moving on, I will not post flags when terrorist attacks happen that have no aim but to kill and generate hatred between people. I will however post a message or picture of solidarity when I feel the intention of the attack is to threaten a value I strongly believe in. For example, I did and would again post a message of solidarity with Charlie Hebdo, even while I find it and its methods unequivocally repulsive- and that’s because for me freedom of speech, thought, and expression are values of extreme importance, even when I don’t agree with what’s being expressed.

I realise that many would disagree with the above, as the outpouring of support (when it happens!) following attacks serves to both raise awareness of the attacks as well as to (supposedly but I’m not so convinced) bring some solace to the victims by letting them know that they are not alone…It is a personal choice of course, and the above is how I choose to do it.

But much more importantly than showing support by posting a flag, what can we really do? What actual small actions can be taken that might collectively bring about change? I will propose three things:

First, when you hear about a terrorist attack somewhere, try to actively empathise and resist the tendency to dehumanize it and treat is as just a number of casualties. Take a few minutes to truly visualise those who have been affected as human beings with loved ones and families, no matter how different they look from you. Try to imagine their loved ones. Put yourself on that side: how might they see that story from over there? Teach yourself to go beyond the numbers to the stories, even if imagined in your head, for just a few seconds. Make yourself feel some outrage when you hear words like “collateral damage”.

Second, strive to become real cosmopolitans. No, not the stereotypical image of jet-setting crowds eating gourmet food and sipping cocktails at art galleries. And not by travelling to various cities and checking off the sites from a cookie-cutter tourist program while keeping a distance from the people. Rather, become really interested in learning about other cultures. Try to listen to and appreciate music from another place. Learn to cook recipes from a country that seems too exotic. Learn a foreign language. When you travel, immerse yourself in the culture, meet the real people, don’t just experience the place superficially. Most importantly, actively encourage your children to make friends with other children from other religions, ethnicities, and nationalities. There are always some in your city no matter where you live. Consciously break down this fear of the “other”, this habit of always retreating to your comfort zone. Learn to see similarities not differences in people.

Third, form an educated, inclusive, holistic point of view about these issues, even if its just two or three well-articulated sentences, and use them to consciously guide your thinking and maybe even the thinking of those around you. Do not be passive, and for sure do not assimilate blindly the stereotypes and quick sound bytes your favorite news outlet is feeding you! They are all giving you what someone out there wants you to think and it comes 99% of the time with an agenda. And it is not that difficult either. All it takes is reading a few articles from “your and their” newspapers, and talking to a few trusted friends here and there, and soon a more comprehensive three-dimensional opinion will form.

You might wonder why this is important or it might feel silly or a luxury, something you might do “when I have time”. The issue is, the problems of divisiveness and hatred and terrorism are closer to all of us than any of us might think. It will take a while maybe for all this to sink in, because at this point things might still be OK and we’re not really that affected, or so we think. You will be affected sooner than you think, and the sooner we all start doing something about it, the more chance we have of saving the future. And the only way you can actively engage in the fight against the evils of the world is to take responsibility for your small part in the fight, and that’s definitely more than posting the picture of a flag on Facebook. Maybe there isn’t much more you can do at your own individual scale, but even this small part, collectively, will pay off in the long term. And if it doesn’t then we’re all going to hell. People in the West might still think these problems are too far away from them to have to do anything about it. People in the Middle East might be so immersed in this and coping with it, that they think they can continue to cope forever. They are both very wrong!